the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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