Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
