those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
