I haven't been this sober since birth.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
