D3 body, D1 cock
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
