I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
