I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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