I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
