Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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