It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
