Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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