The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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