He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i think my cat just said my name.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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