I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
