Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
