I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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