I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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