Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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