Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
