Sry I called you an 8
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
