May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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