everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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