Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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