i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize