Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
