I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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