It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
