I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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