Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think people are normalizing furries
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
