I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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