I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
