Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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