just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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