i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i think my cat just said my name.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
