the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
