Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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