Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and she was petting her beer can
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
