i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
