i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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