guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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