my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
