Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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