I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Randomize
