Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
