how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize