I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
