my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
