Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The best revenge is premature balding
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
