Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My life is pants optional.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize