sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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