Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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