remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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