I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can text with my tongue
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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