It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
