What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
