dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
