I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
