Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize