did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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