booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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