i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
