I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
