I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
