I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
