I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
