Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
