I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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