Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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